How do you recover after calling your partner or spouse by your ex’s name?

wefithealthwellnes
Jun 12
11 min read

Are you recovering after calling your partner or spouse by your ex’s name?

Well , Well, Well Rest Assured!

I came to ease your pain and bring calm to your troubled thoughts, feelings and emotions about this thing called memory recall matter!

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“The memory of the just is blessed: But the name of the wicked shall rot.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭10‬:‭7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Memories: Voluntary or involuntary?

Memories are complex. Some memories flood our minds involuntarily and even against our will, such as those triggered by abuse or trauma. In these cases, much healing and help can come through the guidance of a therapist or another medical or spiritual professional.

However, many of the memories we fixate on are voluntary, within our ability to control. In fact, God commands us to be intentional with our memories and even selective with what we choose to dwell on (e.g., Deuteronomy 6:12; 8:2; Isaiah 46:9; John 14:26; Acts 20:35; 1 Corinthians 11:24-26; Ephesians 2:11-13). Just as we are to take our thoughts captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), so too are we to take our memories captive.

God created memories to consummate the joy of praiseworthy moments and to lead us into grateful praise (Philippians 4:8; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). This gives us a quick test to determine whether dwelling on a particular memory is profitable: Does replaying this moment in your mind lead to gratitude for what you once had or discontentment for what you now have?

Interestingly, the tenth commandment (“Do not covet”) applies here. We tend to think of coveting as inordinately longing for something someone else has. But a more subtle form of coveting is inordinately longing for what we once had (or wish we once had). Both forms must be repented of—and both are best combatted with gratitude.

Recall in memory refers to the mental process of retrieval of information from the past.

Along with encoding and storage, it is one of the three core processes of memory. There are three main types of recall: free recall, cued recall and serial recall. Psychologists test these forms of recall as a way to study the memory processes of humans and animals. Two main theories of the process of recall are the two-stage theory and the theory of encoding specificity.

Free recall is a memory retrieval task where participants are asked to recall a list of items in any order without any external cues or prompts. It's a common task in the study of memory and is used to measure accessibility, or what information can be retrieved from memory.

Cued recall is the process of using cues to retrieve information from memory. Cues can be external stimuli, such as words, sentences, or incomplete pictures, or internal stimuli, such as a person's mood or context. Cued recall is a memory retrieval technique that uses cues to help people remember information from long-term memory

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Serial recall is a memory task where participants are asked to recall a list of items in the order they were presented. It's a widely used test of short-term memory in psychology and neuropsychology.

Now Back To Our Topic Of Discussion- Calling Your Partner or Spouse Your Ex-Name, First Recognizing, The Reconciling and More On To Ya’ll Recovery Together!

Comfort One Another, Kiss And Make, Here’s Why?

Everyone has done it at least once in their life.

Lizzie Thomson Assistant Lifestyle Editor Exclaims If you’re speaking, arguing, or even having sex with a partner, and you accidently say the wrong name. It might even be your ex’s name that’s uttered during the unfortunate incident. Be gentle with and on yourself!

So, fear not, you’re certainly not alone.

Relationship expert and sexologist Ness Cooper tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Calling someone the wrong name is very common and can happen between individuals who even feel they have a deep connection, such as a romantic partner.

‘It can happen even during intimate moments such as sex. It’s nothing to worry about and it’s fairly common for many couples to experience at some point during their relationship.’

So the awkward moment has happened – but what do you do next?

How do you go about playing down the situation and explaining it’s not a big deal?

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Blame science

Hannah Martin, a psychotherapist and founder of Talented Ladies Club, says that it’s actually not your fault at all – it’s natural biology.

As a result, you can always blame science.

She says: ‘According to a study led by Duke University professor David Rubin, we all “group” people in our brains based on our relationships with them. It’s why we sometimes call teachers “mum” when we are at school – they are grouped as people in a position of authority and responsibility over us.

‘And while your current partner may not like the idea of being grouped with an ex, it makes sense as they are both your significant others.

‘What it absolutely does not mean is that you are thinking of your ex, or that you still harbour any feelings for them.

‘It’s simply the wiring of your brain having a misfire at that moment and unconsciously picking the wrong name from the right “group.”’

An easy way out.

Don’t ignore it

Jade Thomas, a BACP registered psychotherapist at Private Therapy Clinic, says it’s always better to address the elephant in the room – and not let awkwardness fester.

She explains: ‘Obviously, a slip of the tongue when it comes to mentioning an ex’s name by mistake can cause pangs of jealousy which, if left undiscussed and unexamined, can have a significantly negative impact on the relationship.’

So acknowledge that it was an accident, even if you laugh about it – don’t pretend it didn’t happen.

Ness also points out that this might be common if you’ve dated people with similar names (like Joe, James, John, Jack…).

She continues: ‘As long as you both recognise each other as individuals and that you’re dating each other for who you both personally are, that’s important.’

Reassure your partner

Once you’ve acknowledged it, Ness explains the next thing to do is to reassure your partner.

‘While some people may think that being called an ex’s name is a sign they still may want to be with an ex, it’s rarely the case and often it’s just association and memory recall of strong emotions and feelings,’ she adds.

‘But reassurance is important for some after experiencing being called the wrong name.’

As a result, it’s vital to find out what works to reassure your partner and take time to listen to any of their concerns.

She adds: ‘Using empathy is helpful, like saying “I understand why you feel hurt after I accidentally called you by another name, I would feel the same way, but please understand I didn’t intend to hurt you.”

‘The tone of voice can be important and offering eye contact, as this helps make them aware that you’re present with them and not the person you accidentally called them.

‘Understand that most people will have a similar error at some point in their lives, whether that’s to an intimate partner, child, friend, or pet. It happens to us all.’

Types of memory

From sources across the web

Sensory

During every moment of an organism's life, sensory information is being taken in by sensory receptors and processed by the nervous system. Sensory information is stored in sensory memory just long enough to be transferred to short-term memory. Humans have five traditional senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch. Sensory memory(SM) allows individuals to retain impressions of sensory information after the original stimulus has ceased.

Short-Term

Short-term memory (or "primary" or "active memory") is the capacity for holding a small amount of information in an active, readily available state for a short interval. For example, short-term memory holds a phone number that has just been recited. The duration of short-term memory (absent rehearsal or active maintenance) is estimated to be on the order of seconds. The commonly cited capacity of 7 items, found in Miller's Law, has been superseded by 4±1 items.[1] In contrast, long-term memoryholds information indefinitely.

Semantics

Semantics is the study of linguistic meaning. It examines what meaning is, how words get their meaning, and how the meaning of a complex expression depends on its parts. Part of this process involves the distinction between sense and reference. Sense is given by the ideas and concepts associated with an expression while reference is the object to which an expression points. Semantics contrasts with syntax, which studies the rules that dictate how to create grammaticallycorrect sentences, and pragmatics, which investigates how people use language in communication.

Episodic

Episodic memory is the memory of everyday events (such as times, location geography, associated emotions, and other contextual information) that can be explicitly stated or conjured. It is the collection of past personal experiences that occurred at particular times and places; for example, the party on one's 7th birthday. Along with semantic memory, it comprises the category of explicit memory, one of the two major divisions of long-term memory (the other being implicit memory).

Long Term

Long-term memory (LTM) is the stage of the Atkinson–Shiffrin memory model in which informative knowledge is held indefinitely. It is defined in contrast to sensory memory, the initial stage, and short-termor working memory, the second stage, which persists for about 18 to 30 seconds. LTM is grouped into two categories known as explicit memory(declarative memory) and implicit memory (non-declarative memory). Explicit memory is broken down into episodic and semantic memory, while implicit memory includes procedural memoryand emotional conditioning.

Working

Working memory is a cognitive system with a limited capacity that can hold information temporarily. It is important for reasoning and the guidance of decision-making and behavior. Working memory is often used synonymously with short-term memory, but some theorists consider the two forms of memory distinct, assuming that working memory allows for the manipulation of stored information, whereas short-term memory only refers to the short-term storage of information. Working memory is a theoretical concept central to cognitive psychology, neuropsychology, and neuroscience.

Prospective

Prospective memory is a form of memory that involves remembering to perform a planned action or recall a planned intention at some future point in time.[1]Prospective memory tasks are common in daily life and range from the relatively simple to extreme life-or-death situations.[2] Examples of simple tasks include remembering to put the toothpaste cap back on, remembering to reply to an email, or remembering to return a rented movie. Examples of highly important situations include a patient remembering to take medication or a pilotremembering to perform specific safety procedures during a flight.

Recall

Recall is the ability to remember something that has happened in the past or the act of remembering it. He or She had a good memory, and total recall of what actually happened.

Autobiographical

Autobiographical memory(AM)[1] is a memory system consisting of episodes recollected from an individual's life, based on a combination of episodic (personal experiences and specific objects, people and events experienced at particular time and place) and semantic (general knowledge and facts about the world) memory. It is thus a type of explicit memory.

Explicit

Explicit memory (or declarative memory) is one of the two main types of long-term human memory, the other of which is implicit memory. Explicit memory is the conscious, intentional recollection of factual information, previous experiences, and concepts. This type of memory is dependent upon three processes: acquisition, consolidation, and retrieval.

Explicit memory can be divided into two categories: episodic memory, which stores specific personal experiences, and semantic memory, which stores factual information.[4]Explicit memory requires gradual learning, with multiple presentations of a stimulus and response.

Procedural

Procedural memory is a type of implicit memory(unconscious, long-termmemory) which aids the performance of particular types of tasks without consciousawareness of these previous experiences.

Procedural memory guides the processes we perform, and most frequently resides below the level of conscious awareness. When needed, procedural memories are automatically retrieved and utilized for execution of the integrated procedures involved in both cognitive and motor skills, from tying shoes, to reading, to flying an airplane. Procedural memories are accessed and used without the need for conscious control or attention.

Re-Learning

Relearning: This type of memory retrieval involves relearning information that has previously been learned. This often makes it easier to remember and retrieve information in the future and can improve the strength of memories. Unlearning involves questioning our assumptions, challenging our beliefs, and being open to new perspectives.

Relearning is the process of learning something again, often in a new or different way. It involves building on previous knowledge and experiences to gain a deeper understanding of a subject or skill.

Recognization

Recognition memory refers to the ability to identify as familiar a stimulus or a situation that has been encountered previously. This ability is an important part of declarative episodic memory and a vital cognitive function. Recognition memory is also the ability to identify or recognize previously encountered people, objects, or events. It's a vital cognitive function that allows people to effortlessly identify things like words, sounds, places, people, and objects.

Here are some things to know about recognition memory:

How it works

When a previously experienced event is reexperienced, the environmental content is matched to stored memory representations. This elicits matching signals.
Role in memory

Recognition memory is a subcategory of explicit memory and an important aspect of declarative memory.
Impairment