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Reestablishing Trust in Your Marriage or Relationships

Updated: 3 days ago

Reestablishing Trust in Your Marriage or Relationships

By: Dr. Kenneth Foy Sr. Marriage & Family Therapist, DMin, MAMFC, LMFT.

Verified by Psychology Today






 

 


​Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the person you trust most in this world was your spouse? Hopefully your spouse is someone you have made this kind of commitment to. Sadly, many marriages end because one or both partners decided to lie, cheat,or go outside their marriage. Obviously, the most terrible breach of trust occurs when one spouse has been unfaithful to the other. This lack of trust can completely destroy the love within a marriage. It can make the other spouse feel devastated, confused, and betrayed.






​If your spouse has violated your trust or if you have broken the trust with your spouse, there are a couple of things that need to happen for you to reestablish trust. If you feel anger toward your spouse, you need to get past this anger first or you will not be able to reestablish trust. Lingering anger will prevent you from forgiving your spouse; thus, you will not be able to move on in the relationship. Notwithstanding, a sincere apology is the first step that needs to take place when trust has been violated. Next, you must talk about your feelings and how the lack of trust makes you feel. Be sure to maintain honesty and respect with your spouse because once your spouse has opened up about their feelings you need to be very careful not to offend him/her.









 



​Although trust has been broken, it can only be reestablished by making another commitment and this time you must keep it. Promise to be honest, to commit, and to communicate. Once the promise has been made the only way to reestablish trust is to keep the new promise alive. In time the lack of trust can be completely eradicated and replaced by a new relationship built on the foundation of trust. However, you must be patient throughout the process; whether a person wants to or not, the trust will not be restored easily or automatically.










 

​If you have betrayed your spouse’s trust, you need to be understanding when they feel anger toward you. Expect and accept a strong response to your betrayal at first and then admit you have done wrong. Any dishonesty at this level in the process will be found eventually and will lead to a greater lack of trust. You need to be completely honest about your wrongdoing if you want to redevelop a strong relationship based on trust. Although breaking someone’s trust in you will never strengthen your relationship, but being honest about what you have done will. If you feel guilty about your dishonesty, be the one to inform your spouse about what you have done. Otherwise, they will find out independently and feel even more betrayed.









 



​With patience and hard work, you can reestablish a trusting relationship of love and respect in your marriage/relationship. A rough spot can lead to even greater love and trust if handled in the right way. Please remember, also at this level, you cannot dictate the healing process. You must be patient! Whether entering a new relationship or trying to rebuild an existing one, trust is an issue that needs to be dealt with sensitivity. At times, a past incident may hinder a person’s trust in their marriage/relationship. But the lack of this vital ingredient (i.e., trust) can stunt or stop the growth within any marriage/relationship.








 



Reestablishing trust is not an easy endeavor, but there are things that you can do to help facilitate your spouse/parter to begin trusting you again. It is a gradual process and may take months or even years; notwithstanding, it can be done if you commit to the work, and hard work at that.











Practical Principles for Reestablishing Trust

 

 

  • Keep Your Spouse Informed:

​When you are planning to make any major change or decision be sure you inform your spouse/partner about it aheadof time. There is nothing more annoying than hearing about it from someone else. Be sure to include your spouse/partner within the decision-making process. I cannot emphasize this fact enough. Keep your spouse informed!








 



  • Establish Healthy Boundaries:

It is good to create and establish healthy boundaries in yourmarriage/relationship. You should let your spouse know clearly if any of his/her habits tend to irritate you. For example, maybe you don’t like your spouse always going out with the fellows/girls or going to the movies with a member of the opposite sex or having to close of a relationship with a colleague or co-worker. Share what you need to feel safe and secure in your relationship and ask him/her to do the same in return.










 

  • Take Responsibility:

If you have done wrong or lied about something, own up to it. Don’t pretend as if it didn’t happen or it will make your spouse doubt you even more. Everyone falls short and absolutely no one is perfect. So, if you admit to it immediately, there is a greater chance that your spouse will forgive you and let it go.











 

  • Believe Your Spouse:

​If you expect your spouse/partner to have faith in you, then you must give him or her the same in return. If your spouse/partner is starting a new business or trying to learn new things, utter a few words of encouragement. Let your partner know that you fully support him/her and will always be there to help or assist. Always thinking negatively of your spouse will not strengthen the relationship.












  • Share Your Needs:

When sharing with your partner in life, let him/her know exactly what you like and need. Remember that he/she cannot read your mind and may not know what makes you happy. He/she will appreciate the fact that you are opening up and talking. This concept is very fundamental to process to having a fulfilling relationship. Share your needs, don’t aspect the other to have to read your mind.










 

  • Communicate: Communication is one of the two major arteries within every relationship (the other is trust). In every relationship, it is extremely important to be frank and honest without concealing information. If you desire your partner to be open with you, you must be open as well with him/her. If you are not comfortable communicating with your partner, then how do you expect him/her to be comfortable in communication with you? If you are hiding something and he/she finds out, the bond you share will suffer for sure. So just be open from the start and by all means avoid secrets. No more secrets, okay? Remember, we are as sick as our deepest secrets!

 







 

 



  • Be Yourself:

When you are with your partner, it is best to simply be who you are. Do not pretend or fake being someone you are not. Remember, your partner knows you well and will be able to see through the phoniness. If you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship, please be sure to be real and remember that you don’t need to change to impress him/her. Notwithstanding, you need to show him/her who you really are so they can trust you again.











 

  • Stick To Your Opinion:

While many believe that agreeing with your spouse all the time leads to a good relationship, quite the contrary, this is not true at all. It is good to have a mind of your own and express yourself from time to time. If you constantly agree with your spouse, he/she will think there is something wrong. So, stick to your argument once in a while. Nobody likes a yes man/woman.












 

Now on a more sensitive matter. Restoring trust after an affair is possible. A step-by-step system for saving your relationship after it’s been shattered by infertility. Tormented by your unanswered questions? Devastated after having your complete self-worth sabotaged or shaken? Work through the healing process and restoration in your relationship after an affair can be one of the hardest things you ever done in life. Nonetheless, you can learn how to restore the honesty, safety, and trust back into your relationship, Even if your spouse is not yet willing to give in, continue to fight a good fight of faith.








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